Insomniac postings, mental floodgates left bare

Maybe it's just me, but I find it interesting to see how people compare in their written to vocal personalities. Some, when either initially meeting them in person or online, can seem entirely different when you switch to a different mode of conversing. Others stay relatively the same, all things considered. I personally find it relaxing when they can stay consistent online and off. This has nothing to do with the rest of the post, but I think I'll get back to this thought later.

Conversation observations aside, I decided to interrupt my attempt to go to bed (at a reasonable hour) and stay in bed (before midnight) with a bit of blogging (I hate it when a stream of thoughts have broken through the mental floodgates while you're trying to go to sleep, just as parenthetical thoughts interrupt a sentence) and to remedy insomnia (but not self-discipline) by "typing myself out".

This was partly inspired by Noli's recent posting on officemates, and male ones to be exact.

One of the best improvements I've made from working in retail is dealing with guys. So I homeschooled most of my life, have relatively over-protective parents, am the only and oldest daughter of a family coming from an Asian-Pacific minority of minorities and I have a number of insecurity issues (wow, a revelation that). I obviously needed to be educated on the world, men and how to live like a hardcore Catholic while receiving the daily dosages of martyrdom.

Having come out of the woodwork and into the workplace, averaging 6-8 hours of exposure to the outside world a day, I started a job (my first without having gotten it through someone else) as a sales associate in an electronics department on a military base exchange in a foreign country. Please note the words "electronics dept.", "military base exchange (BX)" and "foreign country". To those who aren't familiar with military bases and the goings-on that are known amongst young military servicemen, BXs are usually the first stop any first-term serviceman is likely to hit. This is because their rumps are left at home State-side and their heads are floating around near the closest thing that can be called home: the base. Plus, off-base ventures in foreign countries are scary things and locals might eat you if you wink at their women and your crazy antics scream "American-jin desu!" On a military base or not, everyone (should) know that the electronic department/store is the "guy forum/sanctuary." Because of this, it is also a place where a girl can get a good view of the gamut of guys. If she is fortunate, she can do such scoping all whilst ringing up their goodies and organising merchandise- on a sidenote, this is the most efficient undercover position to obtain in this case.

My first "real" (for the lack of a better term) encounter with the male kind was when I began getting much attention from very friendly male co-worker on my first day. You know the whole "you so look familiar" thing? Yeah, that was in the pot. I must say, being the innocent, happy, shy-but-not-really-shy person that I am, responded equally to such attention until I noticed a trend of suggestive actions from the said co-worker. When it was time for him to join the marines, such attention ceased. It seems that I got stale. Thank heavens my tongue is in check right now for retrospecting upon such times amplifies wtf in my mind.

It then moved on to customers. A few friendly conversations here and there. "Oh, you just got here? Enjoying Okinawa? I see. When do I get off? I close, then it's onto studies. Yeah, I study a lot. Really. I get out when I can. Your number. Um, thanks. Yeah, I'll see about giving you a call when I'm free [which is never]" (I made a small joke to myself about seeing how I rate in obtaining phone numbers in a week but after while it was getting annoying). Being the friendly human being that I am, I had a hard time trying to say no. I constantly made excuses of not being able to hang out with them and, thinking that the plain truth is always the best choice, I blurted out how I have over-protective parents and blah, blah. Eventually, before I got another job which would greatly reduce my work hours and "men"tal exposure, I finally figured out a good response to all these guys in whom I had no interest and who insisted on my socialising with them: sorry, I'm not available. Not entirely false, see. Short and sweet. So it took me half a year to come up with that, but hey, at least I learned, right?

There was one incident where a sailor (fresh from port) 4 years my senior continued to seek out my presence, insofar as to making excuses to shop just to see me. Having dark features, an initial quiet way of conversing and a cool, Latino accent to boot, I couldn't (sort of) help being really friendly. A few visits later, he comes with a friend, introduces me, and then proceed to say how sad he is to not hear from the loveliness which is me. Then, 30 minutes later, he has the nerve to express about how f*cking great it'd be to see me on platform with a skirt of three-inches. I should've slapped him, but my "niceness" got the best of me (I currently supress the urge to issue forth a solid d*mnit). Since then, I've avoided all contact with the said Latino guy. He probably got the hint or found someone else to bother. To the girls who boo me for such decision, I admit that my primal instinct is to slap you too, but I'm too Catholic to try. :)

Now, I am still the victim of a few crude jokes from co-workers who very well know of my upright personality and decency. At times, I want to blatantly tell them to f*** off but my guardian angel reminds me to slap them with a prayer instead and give a daggers look.

I don't get anymore numbers nor fall into the friendly-turned-date-scheduling sort of conversations. Then again, I don't work 30-40 hours a week anymore either. By intentionally being direct and business-like, I don't do flirts any favour, all the maintaining the air of a good customer service provider. I've learnt to not appreciate all "attention". I've come to somewhat appreciate my dorky, humbled appearance and disproportionate build. It weeds out the fellows who look at the externals of girls, while my stubborn yet quirky personality weeds out the ones who think I could be taken advantage of.

I think this is my most recent, worst late-night posting ever. At least the thoughts are out and it's only 45 mins after midnight instead of 120. Plus, I think my attempts at avoiding expletives sound dorky, but that's me. Such thoughts were really getting on my nerves for some reason.

Pray, Vengence, be mine

I want revenge on all those people/Who say they're open to reason/But are not/Who say they accept you for who you are/Except for the ones who truly are/What they are meant to be//I want revenge on all those people/By having the gift/Of cutting words/Of murderous words/To be like a cancer/Upon their pride//I want revenge/In a solemn state/Where no smiles tread/And no hate lies/Upon the being/But the sin//And I want to stare at those people/With my God-given face of naivete/And thrust into their hearts/Dangling from veins of worldliness/The sword of their Truth/And pierce their soul/Like humiliation and hopelessness have mine//I want that sweet revenge/But I cannot possess it/And I cannot run the other half for them/So I will pray to be the pen/And the tongue/And the sight/That suffocates the the life out of their might//

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I know I am not even the faint image of a poet, so I visually present to you my poetically-sculpted thoughts of late into a not-too-typically-poetic format. Adieu.

How to win Australian Idol

Angels and Airwaves

Seriously, you need to check out this band. If you fancied Blink 182, you'll more than love this one.



I first encountered Tom DeLonge's new band through Eisley (another awesome band- see previous post, somewhere) and I just bought the above album.

Listen to their songs, but if you abhor MySpace and if your pc can handle it, check out their official site. Read about what they did while producing this album; a promising, mature band creating real music.

An excuse for laziness

Yes, this really is an excuse. No, it's not an update. Sorry.

But now that you're reading this, especially for all you Fire Fox users, I realise my blog isn't very neat and organised when you read it using the FF browser. I should know because I'm a semi-avid FF user. As lovely as FF can be, for some reason it's not displaying my videos in their respective posts; the videos are misplaced, like curious infants who discover an unlikely exit from their play-pens. I tend to use Internet Explorer when I don't care to look at the mess or bother to fix it, hence my excuse for not making my blog visually pleasing for both browser worlds. So, yeah, it doesn't kill me. If it doesn't kill you, good. If it does kill you, so what. C'est la vie.

EDIT: Right after I published this post and viewed my blog, everything went back into its proper place, including the scattered videos. /shakes head. They always do that to you...