pics

Probably the most shot attraction on Okinawa, the Mihama ferris wheel (again- different angle).


Starbucks in the Jusco shopping mall.

Brief escape from ennui

The Don Jose made me do it.

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Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see you?
"She Goes On." How sweet. Too bad the world isn't as sweet in reality. :P

Will I have a happy life?
"Four Seasons In One Day." 'Even when you're feeling warm/ the temperature could drop away'...

What do my friends really think of me?
"Fingers of Love." Hm, uh, not sure how to respond to that one.

What do people secretly think of me?
"Nails In my Feet." Not sure about that one either; I ain't no lap dog on a matron's knee with my meal at my feet. :P

How can I make myself happy?
"World Where You Live." I should climb into space to the world where I live. I'm almost always in my little world already. I need something more (or less) out there.

What should I do with my life?
"Weather With You." I should take the weather with me, wherever I go. And sing this song in the car, woo!

Will I ever have children?
"Don't Dream It's Over." Heh, what's over? The torture, the pains of bringing up boys? Will I get a bunch of boys, homeschool them all, and ... will I live? o.o

What is some good advice for me?
"Fall at Your Feet." Fall deadly in love with a guy or rather, have him do that and make him write a similar song of devotion. Ehh...fat chance of that.

How will I be remembered?
"Skin Feeling." People will like my skin. 'I'm lookin' old, I'm feeling young/ it's the truth, my child' yeh.

What is my signature dancing song?
"Something So Strong." Oh goodness. :P 'Love can make you weep, can make you run for cover'

What do I think my current theme song is?
"It's Only Natural." 'You're feeling lucky when you know where you are'

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
"Not the Girl You Think You Are." Oh dear.

What song will play at my funeral?
"When You Come." No way.

What type of men/women do you(I?) like?
"Chocolate Cake." No way in heck. :P

What is my day going to be like?
"Distant Sun." 'No fire where I lit my spark.' No sparks, no fire, a pity.

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This happened to be a Crowded House edition of this survey. I'll probably mix up some artists since not everyone listens to Crowded House. heh

The worst enemy is ones self

So true. Way too true.

I often wondered how people heard voices in their heads. They tend to say they hear them as clearly as someone speaking to them in the same room, but I wonder if it's not always that way.

A lot of it is probably in my own head, but it's somewhat frightening when I do things or say something so impulsively or suddenly and then I stop and stand or sit still, realising what I just did. Don't tell me everyone does that.

I'm starting to dread being alone, yet I treasure it at times. Once there isn't another soul in sight, I can almost feel like I'm torturing myself with my thoughts. I try conversing with my guardian angel, but I've lost the childlike innocence of doing such a thing. I'm way too introverted at this point. Negative or embarrassing memories wash over the brain and it literally causes my face to twist in disgust. It gets to the point of even muttering 'shut up' or some expletive to the thought that I hope no one else overhears this inward conversation. Kind of scary. It is trying just to forget things.

At first I wondered why I also felt this disturbing feeling in public, then I realised I am alone when I'm in public. Of course, the self-conversations end for obvious reasons (though, now and then if it's bad enough, I might slip in a "shoots" or two).

Been wasting some time writing thing- back to studies.

Vertically-challenged

By now, I've established the fact that I dreadfully need to get out of here, out of the house, out of the little hole I'm in, and out of my self.

Sometimes, I dread facing the world only because I want to be more certain of my footing before I just go out there and not stumble as soon as I step out of the door. I understand that people fall anyway, in order to learn, but it can feel overwhelming when you're falling too much to be able to pick yourself up and shake your clouded head before pressing on again. Maybe I'm just too slow to pick myself up fast enough, or maybe I just haven't had the opportunity to develop that in myself in my own way, or maybe it's my heaping pride from falling and feeling stupid in front of people. In any case, my growth is currently stunted.

I want to travel. Yet, here I am wanting to stay in one place for awhile and settle down a bit. I think this is possibly the military 'brat' in me being choosy about travelling despite having the opportunity to travel a bit and squirming to move somewhere else in a matter of two years. I am tired of the moving at times, but then again, I can be picky about what I deem ideal. I want to have a base (no, not the military kind) which I can call home, and then have places to explore around that base that won't take up much money to see. I wouldn't really mind a budget through it all since I don't like having heaps of money and spending it in a far lesser time it took for me to earn and save it. Travelling on my own might be my answer for growth.

In any case, I think I need to wait it out for at least till the end of this year, provided I accomplish the relatively small goals I've set for my education and finance. Hopefully, despite the many goals I've never felt satisfaction in ever achieving, I'll at least make this next life goal a reality at the right time.

In any case, I have a lot of growing up to do.

HP L2105nr Special Edition 'LiveStrong' Notebook Review

So far, I've only had my new laptop/notebook for 5 days- 10 more days left of seeing if it'll break down on me or expose any defects before I can't return it. So far, this is what I think of it:

PROS:

Graphics are quite good, very smooth. It only seems to struggle in the slightest when I've got the DVD going and a scheduled scan going on in the background- maybe because my RAM is only 512 right now. It's upgradeable to 2gb anyway.

Oh, and the ATI Radeon xPress 200M graphics card was the best of the lot of HP's being on sale (the VAIO's were totally out of my price range).

Brightview is lovely thus far.

Widescreen is always nice.

Quite fast right now, but then again, only 12% of the hard drive is being used right now. Wait until I install graphics software...

THINGS I'M PICKY ABOUT BUT ABLE TO LIVE WITH:

Loudness of tapping keys. I prefer quieter keys, but oh well.

Inability to easily turn off monitor at will. I have to do choose certain options to train my notebook to turn just the monitor off and nothing else.

Only 512 RAM, but I can fix that.

CONS:

Dangit. Only now do I find (and read from other reviews) that my AMD processor heats up. I'm trying to preserve this by keeping it cool with a number of methods, including putting my cold hands around the area of the processor where heat is generated the most. :P


For all you HP flamers out there: Yes, so I bought myself a HP. I've heard some relatively negative things about HP but I've yet to hear a good answer as to why they're not so good. I'm determined to stake out the truth (even if it means for me to get a HP and see- risky, I know).

Absolute contentment.

It's been said, overly discussed, but still a crucial elemental aspect of life that every, single human being can relate to. Pain is so necessary, at least in this temporal life. If I never felt pain in the circumstances I've gone through, I'd go insane. It might seem true on the flip-side, in that feeling pain would drive me to insanity, but where that road eventually leads to is healing. Being inebriated with happiness is a good thing, but when we take that for granted, we become blind to realising hard truths or we lose control over ourselves. Thus, we're on a road towards pain- but the hope is that the road does not end there. Once we've felt truth's sting, we're given a sense of clarity. That clarity though, is dependant on each of our wills, if we're accepting or in denial of what we see. Personally, I cherish that clarity, as hard as it can be on me. In some cases, when all hope seems lost, it's easy for me to want to retract that statement, but I think when I'm with a clear conscience, I'd rather know the Truth and hold fast to it. In the end, that seemingly endless road is eventually going to end somewhere, where clarity meets absolute contentment.

/is such a dork

I really am. People are nice enough to negate that but heck, the truth is I may just be an authentic dork.

I've been sitting here for the past 45 minutes with earphones on and not a note of music is playing.

Wish list

Of small digi-cams, Canon Powershot A620 - $389 $280- Got it. :)

Of PDA's, Palm TX - $260

Of powerful digi-cams, Canon Digital Rebel XT - $770

Of laptops, still searching for the affordably efficient one to invest in - under $1,000 - $999, a bit high for me, but considering the specs, I guess I can live with this:












Of desktops, still planning to build/piece together my own on a budget - preferrably, under $500.

Cliche: The world is a cruel place.

The BX. Typically American. Now and then you'll come across a friendly face or two, an understanding smile here, and a patient soul there, but a lot of times you get those people who are just...so special. You just want to hug them. I'm talking about those egotistical guys who smirk at you because you don't know everything about computers, or the stuffy women who claim that it's extreme injustice that a product is priced higher than it is posted on the shelf (when the product was merely misplaced over a label of a more expensive, near-identical model).

Then you've got the top dogs; the ones you work for. Some of them are okay, some aren't. Some have personalities that clash with yours and some are just...confusing, in that they're seemingly understanding one day and later they're not. It's probably just me. But still, it's so psychologically annoying. There's a lot I'm not disclosing right now because I can't think. :P

From my travels, I've come to find that you can get this c... anywhere, but American society is just more full of it than some others.

Anyway, tonight was quite a mess. Having only three associates on the floor (including myself), I nearly missed my only break of the day and I was running on empty, dehydrated. Stuttering took place of composure. My attention-deficit self began to emerge. It's a good thing I wasn't having a bad hair day. Enough for this poor soul already; mercy!

Oh well. I still need to work on looking at life with a more interesting point of view.

I'm considering not going to college. I'll work instead, save up, and move, maybe travel the world a bit; go about just getting by and becoming more cosmopolitan along the way.

Don't start on the lectures now. Give a girl a chance to cast away practicality, logic, and that healthy dose of good sense now and then. I'm driving myself nuts both planning for the future and day dreaming about freedom. We can't control what will be. That's a fact. Let's just try making my self accept that...

But anyway, back to earth.

I'm considering my recent hair cut and straightening I got the other day. It's now completely straight; it just hangs. I've been feeling rather uptight about being fussy about my appearance - it coincides with the stubborn frizziness of my hairs former state. So what if I just let myself hang loose like my new do? Let it all go... I'm honest enough to say that I'm not loving my new style, but I suppose I'll never love it until I find hairdressers who can take a head and understand what it needs.