Into temptation

It's such a blessing to have daily Mass available to you...daily. I've been tempted to be a spiritual sloth, feeling like I don't want to make it to Mass today, feeling like I don't want to wait for my mom to finish talking to the others afterwards, feeling like I don't want to feel tired when I get home in 2 hours, feeling like I'd rather stay in the house and research places for me to live, feeling like I just want to go back to sleep, feeling like I wish I was going to Mass on a campus with friends and returning to class or going out to a cafe.

But then something prompts me to get dressed to go. Sometimes it's a few minutes right before Mom announces her departure. I bite down my annoyance at this tugging feeling to hurry. It's pathetic really, even hypocritical, for me to be annoyed at having to go to Mass. Yes, "having" instead of "choosing." But I can choose to stay home, so why do I go?

I always rush to grab my CD player and music. I need it in the car. It's like a pacifier. If I don't have something to calm my agitated soul, I might get even more annoyed at someone else in the slightest. But by the time we reach the parking lot, walk through the doors, and into the small side-room the base chapel calls the Adoration Chapel (it's the only Catholic real estate we have on this particular base that doesn't have rotating chambers to hide the statues of St. Joseph and Mother Mary as well as flippable Stations of the Cross, should we offend our other-denominational brothers and sisters), I'm relieved. I'm left to wonder what would happen to me if I didn't make it today.

I wouldn't say I did much to make it to daily Mass. Something's always prompting me to go and I always feel terrible at having this feeling of not wanting to attend. Regardless, I end up being glad that I made it. I probably have my guardian angel to thank for that (so, thanks, guardian angel, and happy post-feast day).