Vertically-challenged

By now, I've established the fact that I dreadfully need to get out of here, out of the house, out of the little hole I'm in, and out of my self.

Sometimes, I dread facing the world only because I want to be more certain of my footing before I just go out there and not stumble as soon as I step out of the door. I understand that people fall anyway, in order to learn, but it can feel overwhelming when you're falling too much to be able to pick yourself up and shake your clouded head before pressing on again. Maybe I'm just too slow to pick myself up fast enough, or maybe I just haven't had the opportunity to develop that in myself in my own way, or maybe it's my heaping pride from falling and feeling stupid in front of people. In any case, my growth is currently stunted.

I want to travel. Yet, here I am wanting to stay in one place for awhile and settle down a bit. I think this is possibly the military 'brat' in me being choosy about travelling despite having the opportunity to travel a bit and squirming to move somewhere else in a matter of two years. I am tired of the moving at times, but then again, I can be picky about what I deem ideal. I want to have a base (no, not the military kind) which I can call home, and then have places to explore around that base that won't take up much money to see. I wouldn't really mind a budget through it all since I don't like having heaps of money and spending it in a far lesser time it took for me to earn and save it. Travelling on my own might be my answer for growth.

In any case, I think I need to wait it out for at least till the end of this year, provided I accomplish the relatively small goals I've set for my education and finance. Hopefully, despite the many goals I've never felt satisfaction in ever achieving, I'll at least make this next life goal a reality at the right time.

In any case, I have a lot of growing up to do.